By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
All About Attitude
The start of a new relationship is an amazing time where you may be feeling a high you have never felt before.
You are caught in the throes of romantic love and can’t get enough of the feeling. Hormones are racing through you, keeping those feelings of love and euphoria skyrocketing, and causing you to act in ways you never thought you could.
You can’t seem to spend enough time with your man and are already starting to imagine that this could be forever.
But hold on Juliet – I do need to give you a few tips of advice before you leap headfirst into this relationship.
This is a very delicate time where it is possible for things to come to a crashing halt if you don’t know what to be aware of.
Read and take note of these essential tips to ensure that your relationship will continue to flourish and grow.
1. Avoid putting your relationship under pressure
The start of a relationship is a time where it is important just to have fun and get to know each other better, without making any major decisions.
As your relationship progresses, there will be times where it is natural to start having more serious conversations about your life goals and where you can see the relationship heading.
You may be burning to know exactly whether his general life plan matches yours, and where he can see your relationship going in terms of marriage and children – especially if you have met a little later in life. And don’t get me wrong – these things are all important.
But as long as you are both really happy right now, and there are no signs of any major conflicts of interest, there is no need to push the subject of the future at this stage. Eagerly asking him how may kids he wants right now could have the opposite effect to what you are wanting – instead of bringing him closer, it could cause him to freak out and pull away.
In addition to this, getting too serious too soon may take away some of the fun, carefree, passionate feelings you are having for one another right now.
So just relax and enjoy the ‘high’ while it lasts
2. Allow time apart
You’re madly in love, spend every waking moment thinking about each other, and want to be together 24/7.
This is natural – all to do with being in the all-consuming romantic phase of love. But spending too much time together right now is a surefire way to burn the candle out all too fast.
To keep that flame alive, you need time to miss each other.
As much as you love being in each other’s company, you still need to have time to yourselves – to refresh, get important things done, and keep up your outside interests and relationships with friends and family.
So do your best to keep up your regular schedule, and avoid excluding yourself from social events in order to be able to spend more time with your boyfriend. Because even though you may be feeling like your boyfriend is the only person you need right now, he can’t be everything for you – you both need your friends.
And if your friends feel like you completely ditched them as soon as you found a boyfriend, then they might not be rolling out the welcome mat when you start ringing them again a year down the track, once things aren’t quite as exciting anymore.
3. Ease into intimacy
Sex in a new relationship can be equally exciting and nerve-wracking. On one hand, you are full of intense feelings of desire for your partner, and on the other, you are terrified that the sex isn’t going to be the amazing experience you’re hoping for.
This is totally natural, and rest assured that he’ll be feeling it too.
Basically, the trick here is to ease into sex carefully, and to not have your expectations too high at the beginning. Don’t feel you need to cover every Karma Sutra position and technique in the first few weeks – there will be plenty of time to get more adventurous later once you have become more comfortable with each other.
Think about it as being like learning to drive a new car for the first time. It might be a little awkward and jerky at the start, you may even stall, but it only takes a few drives before you’re changing the gears effortlessly and are ready to really put your put down and see what it can do.
You may both be feeling a little self-conscious, or anxious about not being able to please each other. This can especially be a problem for men in a new relationship – they feel that if they cannot make their girlfriend orgasm the first time, then they are a failure.
If you don’t go over the edge the first couple of times (and this is not for his lack of trying), reassure him that you will get there together, and that what he is doing still feels great.
If the sex IS earth-shattering the first time you are together, lucky you!
But don’t freak out if it’s not. This doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to get there or that you’re not right for each other, it just may take a few more tries.
The best thing to do is to be prepared to take a sense of humour to the bedroom – it’s okay to laugh about it together if things don’t go exactly ‘to plan’ the first few times.
Sex can be a little awkward and messy – it’s not always pretty! But having a laugh about it will help to ease feelings of tension and rekindle the closeness between you.
4. Keep making an effort
Despite now being committed to one another, it is important to keep putting effort into yourself and your relationship to keep that spark alive.
It’s important to keep making time for dates and activities with your boyfriend, rather than falling into a boring pattern of simply watching TV together at home. Keep up the flirting, teasing, and making each other laugh you engaged in while you were dating.
Make the time you do spend together quality by doings things you both enjoy.
Make the effort to occasionally surprise your man. For example, cooking him dinner, booking tickets to a concert, or taking him to a ‘mystery location’ for the day. Hopefully he will enjoy it so much he’ll soon be busy coming up with equally amazing ways to treat you.
Making an effort also means continuing to put effort into your appearance after you enter the relationship.
Once in a committed relationship, you tend to get a bit more relaxed around each other, which is normal.
But let’s be honest – he’s probably not going to appreciate it if you start living in your baggy sweatpants and stop bothering to brush your hair in the morning.
All it takes is just keeping up your usual beauty and hygiene routines, and dressing up a bit when you go out – nothing drastic! Seeing you making an effort to look nice for him will make him feel like the luckiest guy out there.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…