By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
All About Attitude
It’s one of those strange things. You can get two people to look at a picture, and you can get two very different descriptions of what is in them.
In fact, it is quite amazing how we let our circumstances and moods influence the way we see the world.
This was particularly true recently, when I was talking with a friend of mine.
She and her boyfriend shifted in together nine months ago, and it was interesting to hear of her experiences in their new living arrangement.
Of particular interest to me were her repeated references to wanting to work on their relationship problems, or more particularly the way they both communicate.
So many people see marriage and the perfect man as the golden apple, and, once they have it, they assume they will ride off into the sunset and leave the trivialities and problems in the other areas of their life behind.
After all, that’s what we are conditioned to believe in fairytales, isn’t it?
But what if Cinderella had abandonment issues from her childhood, or if Robin Hood was a controlling and dominant husband to Maid Marian due to repressed feelings from past relationships?
What if Snow White suffered from a diminished sex drive due to her low self-esteem or depression?
There is no such thing as happily ever after unless the two of you are committed to it.
Back to my friend, however, and her situation. The insecurities that she had from her dysfunctional childhood had led her to have a very negative self-image, and she let her insecurities cloud her judgment of her relationship.
She spoke of when her boyfriend would finally get sick of her and decide to end it.
Her love life was an endless chapter of crises, and she spent all of her free time examining every word he told her for hidden meanings, perhaps indications that he, too, was going to leave her in the way her father left her mother.
I was amazed. In her efforts in focusing on the many negative things that mighthappen in her relationship, she was failing to focus on the many great things that were currently happening!
She had a home, her health, and the love and support of a great man.
It might not be the type of love she would always want, and at times she might not understand it. But I told her simply to have faith.
That’s it. Have faith!
Have faith in the fact that her man has his reasons for still wanting to be in the relationship. Have faith that he will climb into bed beside her every night because he wants to be there.
And have faith that he loves you even if he doesn’t speak the love language that you want him to speak.
The glass is not half empty. It is half-full. It is often too easy to focus on what needs doing in your relationship rather than looking at all the good that you already have. So it’s all about attitude.
And a little faith.
*** Something we do here in the office every day at our daily meeting is we start by telling each other three things that we are grateful for today.
The aim here is not to brag about how great we are or to keep tabs on what our work colleagues are doing. It’s about re-framing your mind towards positivity.
At first it was a bit of a challenge. There are so many things each of us take for granted and it was really interesting to hear each person’s response.
One co-worker was grateful for the sunshine. Another was grateful for the amazing lunch they just ate.
Another was grateful that their wife was recovering from cancer.
We all have different world views. Some of us look at the day to day. Others look outside of that for greater miracles and things to be grateful for and the many good things going on in life.
If you have time, consider making it part of your daily routine each morning. In the shower, on the commute to work, think of three things you are grateful for.
You might be grateful that you got a kiss this morning. Or a cuddle. Or grateful that you have your health. Or that you are on the path to finding the man and living the life (and having the relationship) of your dreams.
That’s all for now. Feel free to share what you are grateful for below!