By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
How To Appeal To Any Man’s Desire
I cringe when I see women following bad advice, especially when it comes to attracting and dating men.
The typical mistake that women make during a date is to just sit there and act passively as if guys owe them amusement and entertainment just for being there. What these girls don’t know is that their party-pooping, entitlement mentality is killing whatever attraction they have going for them.
Taking a PASSIVE role in the dating game is the BIGGEST monkeywrench you could throw in your romantic plans. Sure, we expect guys to pursue US, but that doesn’t mean we should just stand around and wait for them to do ALL the work.
No matter how you look at it, relationships are still a two-way street. The sparks aren’t going to be flying anytime soon without meeting him HALFWAY.
If you chose to merely sit back and make NO EFFORT to inject any fun or liveliness, do you really expect him to get down on his knees and start professing his love for you? Being a steely-eyed wet blanket with the charm of a cold, clammy fish isn’t going have the guys stampeding in your direction.
Here’s a little tip: get involved! Don’t be lazy and let him take the lead all the time.
A quality guy may like to make the first move, but he’s not gonna stand around if you’re not willing to match the energy he’s putting into the courtship process.
If you really like the guy, put your best foot forward with some enthusiasm. Otherwise, he’s going to get the impression that you’re not into him and then he’ll move on. NOT a good thing.
Women who land that ideal relationship are the ones who have EMPATHY. They have this intangible sixth sense about guys, and women like these can get a good feel of what makes their man tick.
I’m not talking about being psychic or reading his mind like a book (although that would be nice), but rather developing a HABIT of zeroing in on what kind of guy you’re dealing with so you can respond appropriately.
After all, men have gone through painful lengths trying to crack the mystery that we are by poring over a sea of books, magazines and other resources. Why not be an EQUAL and show him that you aren’t a self-absorbed bore that guys overlook?
Let me start you off with a meaty chunk of information to get you in the right direction:
Men come in all shapes and sizes – when it comes to the one you have your sights on, it’s always a good move to get a good idea of the things that inspire him and drive his passion. Depending on the guy you’re with, it could be anything from extreme sports to gourmet cuisine.
While I’m not asking you to forget your own interests and start doing EVERYTHING he’s doing, it does help to figure out what he likes and take it from there.
Let’s say for instance that you met this daring, adventurous guy at a party the other day. So far, he’s revealed that he loves the great outdoors (and everything that it entails). That means hiking out in the woods, or scaling mountains (or any other huge rock formations).
By the time he tells you about that time when he went to Egypt with nothing more than his Lonely Planet guide, you’re convinced of his thrill-seeking nature.
So what does that tell you? For starters, he’s most likely into any sort of activity that gets the blood pumping or allows him to socialize with other folks (you did spot him at a party, right?).
Using my mighty powers of deduction, I’d say that he’s probably a lively guy who can find fun in even the most boring of settings. It wouldn’t be too much of a stab in the dark to say that Mr. Adrenaline Junkie thrives in an environment that challenges him mentally and physically.
This guy marches to his own beat and most likely likes to keep his woman on her toes. Relationship-wise, expect him to surprise you with his spontaneity.
With this in mind, how would you appeal this kind of guy? Since he’s the sociable type who likes to mingle with people, think along the lines of “fun, crowded, and lively”.
Since it seems he’s game to try anything stimulating, a social outreach event or a wall-climbing session might be right up his alley.
If it means having to deal with crowds or sweating it out, it’s sure to tap into his fun-loving, extroverted qualities. Plus, shared activities means bonding; it’s a win-win situation for you!
If you really want to get him revved-up, try asking him to tell you about one of the most exciting adventures he’s been on. Getting him to talk about something that excites him is sure to generate those positive feelings.
Getting inside his head
There are a bunch of advantages to be had once you’ve developed a sharper eye for the type of man you’re dating. He may not consciously acknowledge it, but somewhere inside his noggin, he’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness and flexibility.
As an aside, remember that you shouldn’t toss your OWN personality out the window. You’re not supposed to tack on some artificial facade just to make him like you.
Rather, what you’re doing is to figure out who he is in terms of what makes him happy. That way, you can assess if his interests and passions in life are going to be compatible with yours.
If you are meant to be, then getting in his head is the best path to more serious things in the future. It greatly helps to get the most fun out of your existing or soon-to-be relationship.
Furthermore, getting a good grasp of his personality type also serves as an unspoken guide to the kind of qualities he looks for in a girl.
Support and respect
If your guy is like the one we just talked about, then he’d probably have no qualms with letting you know up front about what he wants! He’d most likely tell you that he’s into someone who won’t try to ground his high-flying personality.
Chances are, this free spirit is looking for that girl who he can bond with through the positive, empowering, experiences she’s willing to try alongside him. Most of all, he wants a woman who’ll support and respect his independence.
Of course, there is a possibility that your little quirks, values or lives, in general, might not share the same wavelength. That’s another reason why having a developed sense of awareness is important.
Obviously, the differences in your personality are bound to cause some friction at some point. Learning his style of conflict resolution is going to save lots of headaches for the trip ahead.
Let’s say that your guy’s the type who’ll skirt around a disagreement rather than deal with it directly. So that means you’ll have to be more forward about anything that’s bugging you.
If he’s the brooding, artistic sort, then it’s best to focus on the emotions that are driving the argument you’re in. It’ll be easier for him to get over it once you’ve discussed the hurt feelings that both of you might have experienced during the disagreement.
Learning more about him this way is not about putting your preferences through the shredder in lieu of his own. It’s about being equal to him – if your guy is considerate enough to be sensitive to your needs and wants…
…then it’s only fair to give as good as you’re getting.
**And if you have time, check out the course I wrote that gives you even more information, but in MUCH GREATER detail:
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…