By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
How To Talk To Men
Who finds it hard to talk to men?
Perhaps you struggle to think of things to say, start talking too much, or shy away from talking to guys you like full stop because the thought of it fills you with dread.
Don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone. Many women, and men for that matter, experience difficulty in talking to someone they are attracted to.
It can seem like a very intimidating feat, especially if you are experiencing self-doubt and feel that your ego is on the line.
But the honest truth is that the guy you want to talk to is likely to be feeling just as shy as you are, and have just as many insecurities bubbling beneath the surface.
In fact, we have men asking us for advice on how to talk to women ALL the time!
The thing is, men communicate differently to woman. So if you can learn how ‘man-speak’ works, you will be able to really capture his attention.
And luckily, I have a few secrets to share with you about how to go about talking to men and making a great impression.
Master these 6 steps, and you will find that not only does talking to attractive men come more easily, you will also find yourself really enjoying your conversations with men (and they will be enjoying them too!).
Step One: Don’t break the ice, melt it
I’ve seen it time and time again – the woman who attracts every man (and woman) at a party is always the one who is lighting up the room with her smile and laughter. It’s true that in a girlfriend, a guy is looking for someone who is good natured and sweet at heart.
So the first way to draw a guy to you is simply to show that you are genuinely having a good time, whatever you are doing. People are attracted to those who are happy and are exhibiting warm vibes. Because when we’re around these people, we feel good too.
To show a guy you’re a warm and friendly person, catch his eye and smile at him. This will get his attention and give him the encouragement he needs to strike up a conversation with you. At the very least, it will set the groundwork for engaging HIM in conversation later.
If he does not respond to your smile, frowns or turns away, he’s either really shy or not worth pursuing.
But if he DOES smile back, find a subtle way to get closer to him, flash another smile and say a simple “Hey”.
Why just say “Hey”? Because it’s a casual greeting that doesn’t appear ‘too keen’, meaning that if he’s not interested you will not have lost any dignity, and if he is it will be easy to go on from there.
Try to project as much confidence as you can while you greet him – always go in with the mindset that it is not the end of the world if this man turns you down. Because it really isn’t!
If he’s not interested, he will either ignore you or say “Hey” back, then quickly turn his attention elsewhere. I this is the case, never take it personally – there are many reasons why a man might not be open to your approach.
Maybe he’s not available, he likes someone else or he’s simply just not interested right now. But don’t worry, there are plenty more guys out there. Brush yourself off, keep going as if nothing has happened and start talking to someone else.
If he IS interested, he should turn towards you, smile and return your greeting – showing he is open to a conversation with you.
At this point, introduce yourself and offer your hand; “I’m Natalie”. A handshake really helps in forging a connection with someone, as well as being a chance to break the touch barrier with the guy you’re talking to.
From here, allow the conversation to flow naturally. For example, “What brought you here?” “How do you know…(the host)?” “Are you having a good time?”
Now that the ice has melted, it’s important to keep encouraging him by giving him warm smiles, making eye contact and laughing at his jokes. When you’re happy, it shows. No guy can resist a woman with a beautiful smile and a love to laugh.
Step Two: Learn ‘man-speak’
Men communicate differently to women, it’s true. If you try to talk to a guy the way you do with your girlfriends, the conversation will probably not go as you’d like… he may tune out and disengage.
So the first lesson in man-speak is learning to simplify the conversation. Men generally cannot process more than one thing at a time, so it’s important to stick to one topic at a time during conversation, and make it clear when you’re going on to something else.
As often without realizing it, women can tend to go off topic and get into a few different subject lines at once.
Take this as an example. I noticed recently that whenever I text my boyfriend asking or informing about a few different things in the same text, he only usually sends a response to one of these subjects. But when I text my girlfriends, they always respond to each and every topic.
Why does this happen? Not because my boyfriend doesn’t care as much as my girlfriends, but because he simply gets confused by all of the different topics, and chooses the most important one to focus on.
It’s hard to follow the pattern of thought when a whole new topic is introduced in the next sentence.
So rather than talking about something in a roundabout way, try to get to the point of a story or opinion in about 30 seconds when you’re talking to a guy. Otherwise his mind will start wandering and he may look for an exit.
Along the same lines, men are also much more literal in their conversations than women. Usually, you will get a straight answer to a question, rather than having him beat around the bush.
And when he asks you a question, he also expects a straight answer to THAT particular question – you don’t need to go off into a detailed explanation of the circumstances surrounding your answer.
Although guys can sometimes use atrocious language when with their male buddies, women who swear or use vulgar language are a turn off for most men. This also goes for gossiping or bitching.
A man wants to see you as a decent woman who doesn’t get involved in all the drama, and sees the best in others rather than the worst.
So always being nice and polite in his presence. Using your P’s and Q’s, wait for your turn to speak, and being respectful to the people around you. For instance, the waiter, or his friends.
Be a genuinely nice person and it’ll only make him want you more – especially if he has to compete with others for your attention.
And don’t be afraid of the odd pause or silence in your conversation with a guy. Men would much prefer to talk to a woman they can have the odd comfortable silence with than one who never stops talking. Take advantage of any of these pauses to give him a shy smile.
The last key to man-speak is that men LOVE to problem-solve – their brains are specifically set up for doing this. Therefore a great way to strike up a conversation with a guy and flatter his ego is to ask for his help or advice on a practical issue.
For example, “Hey, I hear you’re an expert on computers. I was having trouble buying a laptop and was wondering if there was any particular brand you’d recommend?”
Most guys will be more than eager to share their advice on a topic they know well. And once this has got the ball rolling, it should be easy to continue the conversation from there. Make sure you thank him for his expert advice afterwards! 🙂
Step Three: Pinpoint his favorite topics and focus on these
A great way to engage someone into a conversation is to get them talking about a topic that they are passionate about. Think about what you already know about the guy you like.
Does he have any interesting hobbies you could ask him about? Is there anything you already know you have in common?
During your conversation, pick up on the topics he loves talking about. How do you know that he’s LOVING a topic? His facial expressions will become animated, his voice will become more excited and he will smile and laugh more.
Bear in mind that the thing someone is best at may actually not be what they most want to talk about. For example, he may be an amazing lawyer, but chances are after a long week at the office he’s ready to forget about work, and won’t want to focus on this.
So make sure you are picking up on his vibes during your conversation, to identify whether he is that he is interested in a certain topic of conversation. And if it’s getting boring, switch to a new topic.
If a guy is telling you something to impress you, this is what he wants you to ask him about and compliment him on. If you seem to be genuinely interested in hearing about his favorite topic, you can be sure he will be enjoying talking to you. Just wait and hear his voice swell with pride.
Asking a man about himself to begin with can also take a bit of pressure off yourself, as the spotlight isn’t on you. But if he continues to keep the conversation on himself the WHOLE time, and doesn’t make an effort to ask you about yourself, politely come up with a way to end the conversation and talk to somebody else.
If he is actually a decent guy, he will come back and approach you later. A conversation, just like a relationship, should be a two-way street and if a guy is interested in you he will want to know more about you.
Step Four: Intrigue him
What is it about you that makes you unique and special? Please don’t say “Nothing”, because I know for a fact that every woman out there has some great assets that men will find very attractive.
You should be proud of everything you do – your job, your studies, your interests and your hobbies. These are all what make you what you are.
There is nothing sexier than a guy listening to a woman speak with passion about something that she loves. A woman that literally has LUST for LIFE.
Positivity is an extremely attractive trait (remember, positive people make us feel good). For instance, you may tell him about how much you love horses, Thai food, surfing, summer, your job, or anything else that you are passionate about. It really doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you project passion in your voice.
At all times, be open and honest about who you are and what you stand for. Men have a lot of respect for women who have their own opinions and have something to add to the conversation – rather than just going along with what everyone else is saying.
However, you also want to add a little mystery by not revealing every little detail about yourself straight away. You don’t need to reveal every thought that’s going through your mind or everything about your past – leave him wanting to find out more.
And definitely, definitely, definitely don’t reveal anything about your dating history or make references to your single status! This will run the risk of making you appear desperate.
Step Five: Get a little flirtatious
You’ve shown him that you are a woman who is friendly and approachable, able to hold a good conversation, is interested in his life, and also has a lot of attractive personal traits to offer.
The final step in making him fall for you is to show him that on TOP of all that, you also have a slightly naughty side.
There’s nothing better than a woman who is sweet and caring, but also shows a hint of naughtiness every once and a while. Because every guy’s dream girl is someone who is a ‘lady’ in public, but a tiger in the bedroom.
And although I do not at all recommend sleeping with him at this stage of first meeting, showing him you do have a flirtatious side will have him wondering just what it would be like to take you home… an image that will probably stay in his mind after you leave.
How can you show a little naughtiness? Simply by lightening up the conversation as it progresses by adding some well-placed humor, teasing him a little, and even finding subtle ways to touch him if the atmosphere feels right. For example, playfully pushing his arm if he teases you.
In small doses, compliment him and brush his ego. Men find it unattractive when they feel like they’re being treated like some kind of movie star. However, a well-placed compliment every so often goes a long way in making him feel good in your presence.
Just remember, the general rule is that if he likes you, he will find a way to return your compliments. So again, make sure that it’s a two-way street.
Being sexy is also about playing a little hard to get. The truth is, men are majorly put off by desperate or needy women. They love a challenge.
If you can talk to the guy you like just how you would talk to any other guy friend, he will be more likely to take notice of YOUR value and be motivated to try and make you like him.
So rather than trying to keep HIM engaged, go into the conversation with the mindset that he needs to work to keep YOU engaged.
So if he fails to ask you questions, gives one-word answers, or keeps looking away, politely end the conversation with a smile.
This will show him that you aren’t going to take any less than you deserve. Remember, you are a strong and independent woman who is happy with her life, with or without him.
Step Six: End the convo on a high note
You’ve been talking to your man for about half an hour now, and everything’s going great. In all honesty, you would love to keep talking to him all night.
But listen closely – this is the point where you should find a way to take a BREAK from the conversation. Excuse yourself to refresh your drink, talk to someone else you know, go to the bathroom, or anything else you can think of.
Why should you do this when your conversation is at its best?
Because leaving the conversation when it is going great rather than when it is becoming awkward and boring will leave him wanting more. And don’t worry – it will not deter your chances with him in any way. In fact, it will actually INCREASE his desire for you.
He’ll see that you have other people to talk to and have enough confidence to leave the conversation without fearing that you’ve lost your chance with him.
If he likes you and was enjoying the conversation as much as you were, you can be sure he will be following you with his eyes all night, waiting for his chance to talk to you again. And after a while, you’ll circle back around (or he will seek you out) and the two of you can pick up where you left off.
I hope these tips have been helpful. Remember, it isn’t so much about WHAT you say to start up a conversation, it’s more about projecting a warm, confident and inviting vibe.
So the next time you see a guy you’d like to talk to, don’t let insecurities hold you back. Hold your head high and smile. Because he could just be the man for you.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…