By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
The Key To An Amazing Relationship
So far, we’ve been talking about how to attract your ideal man – now it’s time to get into the other half of dating: keeping your man.
After, what’s the point of finding your dream guy if you can’t have a long-term relationship with him, right?
Contrary to popular belief, things do NOT have to go downhill nor do you have to “outgrow” your romantic feelings for each other. All it boils down to is adapting the right habits to keep your relationship going strong.
#1: Say No To “Quid Pro Quo”
In relationships, giving with the intent of getting something back in return (which is what the phrase above means) is a sure-fire way to sabotage things.
Think about it: when you only do things because you want your guy to do something for you (e.g. say those three words, commit to you, pop the big question), then you’re not being true to yourself.
When a guy catches on that your acts of affection aren’t really coming from a genuine place, it’ll negatively affect his perception of you.
The best kind of connection is based on doing things for each other for the sake of doing so – and not to keep track of who’s giving more. This is why you should double-check your motives when doing anything for your guy.
Ask yourself: “Am I going to (insert deed here) because it’s simply who I am, or do I have an ulterior motive in the back of my head?”
This is a good way to encourage an atmosphere where both of you will keep track of who’s giving more. Pretty soon, contempt will start to sink in; aside from keeping score, you’ll also learn how to keep grudges.
#2: Validate Him
Generally speaking, it’s the men who are the pursuers in the relationship. Of course, it’s totally cool for women to make the first move, but it’s mostly the guy who’s in charge of the following:
– Making the first approach
– Engaging in chit-chat and flirtation
– Working up the nerve to ask you out
– Making the arrangements for the actual date
– And so on…
While not all relationships are like this, your guy has gone through some considerable lengths to sweep you off your feet and make you feel special.
That’s not to say that your own contributions aren’t just as important, but your guy deserves to know what an awesome job he’s doing.
Always remember how important it is to validate what he brings to the table. Otherwise, he might get the idea that you’re not happy – for a guy, that’s the worst feeling to have.
Men take pride in the knowledge that their woman is well-taken care of, so make sure that he regularly hears words of encouragement and gratitude from you.
The flip side to this is that you should know WHEN to give out compliments. Like the first relationship principle we talked about, it’s about being true to yourself. That means you shouldn’t praise him at the drop of a hat.
Giving compliments and showing gratitude does NOT apply when he acts out of line or treats you wrong (i.e. taking you for granted, not respecting you).
With that said, just make sure that you’re expressing praise and admiration only when the situation actually warrants it. You don’t want to set him on the wrong track by encouraging bad behavior!
#3: Avoid Criticism Like The Plague
Whether you’ve been together for a few months or a few years, there’s always the danger of becoming complacent in the relationship. When routine settles in, it’s easy to take things for granted and get a tad bit too comfortable with your partner.
This is something you need to watch out for, so it’s wise to exercise a little self-awareness. Has the level of mutual respect gone down since you first met?
If you think this is the case, one way to put the brakes on this trend is by cutting down on the criticism. Somewhere down the line, you might find yourself not seeing the big picture anymore and treat the relationship from a glass-is-half-empty kind of perspective.
Instead of acknowledging the positive aspects of your man (and the relationship), many women slowly turn into fault-finders and tend to blame their guy for the issues between them.
This is the point where they see their shared problems as an extension of a character defect that their partner has. In this state of mind, you’re less likely to solve any disagreements since you’ll be more focused to accusing your guy instead of getting him to help you resolve it.
Just remember that it doesn’t matter who’s a fault it actually is. Whether it’s his or yours, blaming the other person only makes things worse.
To keep things from escalating, think of more constructive ways to approach your guy with an issue. Remember what we said about respect; if you were talking to your boss or co-workers, you probably wouldn’t accuse or blame them if something’s up.
On the contrary, you’re more likely to bring up an issue by stating an observation without judging them. Treating your guy with the same level of respect (the same kind when you first became a couple) tells him that you want to attack your problems as a team – and NOT on opposing sides.
Whether it’s something as simple as household chores or a major issue like raising the kids, try focusing on the following:
– Making an observation of what happened
– How you felt about it
– Offering a suggestion
As you can see, this leaves no room for criticism, which is exactly what you need to preserve the mutual respect in the relationship.
So if your guy tends to be late for your dinner dates, you’ll get a better reaction out of him by saying something like this:
“You know, I’ve noticed lately that I have to wait thirty to forty-five minutes for you. Being on time is important to me so I feel bad whenever this happens. I’d appreciate it if you showed up on time.”
Notice how this way of communicating the problem to your partner steers clear of statements like “What’s wrong with you?” or “I knew you were going to be late again!”
An aggressive approach to handling sticky situations won’t encourage your guy to cooperate. Rather, he’ll feel forced to stand his ground by either firing back – or tuning you out altogether.
Neither of these outcomes is good, so try to observe the way you and your partner handle conflicts while they’re happening. If you notice that you’re hitting him over the head with too much criticism right away, acknowledge what’s happening and do something about it.
Granted that it might take a while to get the hang of these relationship-saving techniques, they’re essential skills which can be learned over time.
You might have gotten used to dealing with each other in a certain way, but remember this: it’s never too late to introduce a positive trend in your relationship by making a habit out of these principles.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…