By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Two-Step Recipe For Disaster – How to Avoid It!
Have you ever dated a guy and then went off to do something impulsive, selfish or silly during that early (but pivotal) “getting-to-know-you” stage?
Did you already have a good thing going but had to watch it fall apart, all thanks to a few attraction-killing blunders?
When we do things out of fear (rather than assurance in one’s self), then we’re bound to mess up somewhere down the road. The good news is that we have the best resources that are just TOO GOOD to pass up – never again will you have to bother with thoughts like:
“Did I slip up AGAIN?”
“What if he doesn’t like me?”
“They keep saying the wrong thing, it’ll be a miracle if he even THINKS about calling me back!”
Dating doesn’t have to be a game of hit and miss. As of today, well-meaning (but naïve) women no longer need to be left in the dark for a minute longer.
We’ve all been there, right? Just when you thought you’ve sealed the deal and you’re off to ecstatic bliss, something you did comes back to slap you in the face.
If he was warming up to you before, his well of affection has suddenly run dry. Inexplicably, he’s avoiding your calls and the ever-growing pile of messages you’ve left on his machine has gone unanswered.
Before you know it, he’s gone from “head over heels” to “avoiding-you-like-the-plague.”
So why, you ask yourself, has this sad state of affairs fallen upon your pitiful self?
Well, ALL of us have had to deal with setbacks in dating…
You win some, you lose some – that’s how it is. BUT could YOU be unwittingly committing behaviors that are causing your once smooth-sailing love boat to capsize?
You might not know it, but you might be inadvertently undermining your chances of finding Mr. Right.
Who knows, your relationship habits may be wreaking havoc on your sassy image.
Is it possible that YOU are the problem behind all your dating woes?
What we have today is a couple of habits that drive men away. The good thing is that foresight is the best way to keep being the dream girl he wants…instead of the proverbial monster under his bed.
1. The Hostile Takeover
Here’s a simple fact: no matter what they’ll tell you, ALL men value their independence.
If you’ve ever been dragged to see guy flicks like “Braveheart” or the more recent “300”, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Before seeing these movies, I never knew that the combination of a staggering physique and a sweaty, unwashed look could be so fun to watch.
Other than that, however, I learned another important thing about guys in general. They don’t like their freedom being trampled on.
Any war has taught us that invasion will always spark a resistance of some sort. Anyone trying to forcefully push themselves into uninvited territory will have to pay their rent in blood.
I’m not trying to be morbid here but think about it for a second. Your guy wants to be the captain of his ship, and he’ll never stand for mutiny. (No matter how drop-dead gorgeous the mutineer is!)
He might like it at first, but he’ll wake up to the living hell his life has slowly become after he comes down from the lovey-dovey high.
Any of my guy friends will tell you that they appreciate a girl who doesn’t take over their lives from under their noses. Some of them have been badly burned by previous experiences where their once-sweet girl turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
(…and by “wolf”, I mean “needy psycho who’s pathologically compelled to keep her man behind bars”!)
Don’t start inspiring rebellion in him by doing the following:
– Demanding him to let you know where he is at all times
– Requiring him to account for (and justify) EVERY second that he’s not with you
– Issuing a cruel and unjust punishment by eternally dooming him to be your shopping companion (REALLY – one more “do these pair of Manolo Blahniks look good on me?”, and he’ll be tearing his ears out. Trust me – they ALL look the same to him!)
– Hovering over him like the Wicked Witch of the East at a party, on the lookout for any female presence in the vicinity
– Assuming that he’ll like and do EVERYTHING you do, including your three-hour advanced yoga sessions just because you’ve been going out for a few weeks
– Rushing him to meet ALL of your friends and parading him around like a resentful trophy/prize
– Pestering him to put on a jacket before heading out, eating something before going to work, or bugging him to clean his overstuffed glove compartment
The point here is NOT to make him feel like you’re taking up all of his space TOO FAST and TOO SOON. Don’t come barging into his life at the first sign of interest.
Men are turned off by girls who pursue a guy too much. They like someone who can be feisty AND can also play it cool and go with the flow.
This especially holds true at the beginning of a budding relationship. If you’ve only had a handful dates with him, don’t scare off the poor guy with your intensity.
Avoid looking like an invading army, poised to seize the last vestiges of his freedom. Instead, try being like the Trojan Horse, but without the nasty surprise. Reel him in slowly and get him to drop his guard – he’ll be hooked before he knows it.
If you’re not careful, he’ll start cooking up a prison break behind your back and dig his way to freedom right under your nose.
2. Addiction to Approval
The constant need to be praised, worshiped and adored is not only going to bore the socks off of him, but it will also be a very fertile breeding ground for resentment. Men prefer independence in the full sense of the word.
Sure, you can be the ball-busting, go-getting career woman who doesn’t take crap from anyone; he’ll respect you for that. Just don’t tarnish that perception by being the opposite when it comes to relationships.
You know who I am talking about – that needy, clingy woman who can’t stand not being reassured of her beauty and grace.
Here’s a heads-up: your new guy isn’t your personal magic mirror on the wall. Too many questions of “who’s the fairest of them all” will nibble away at his sanity.
Don’t expect him to hand out compliments at the exact moment you expect it. Allow him to praise your qualities whenever he REALLY FEELS like doing so.
Hearing “does this make me look fat” for the Nth time will translate into, “Yes, I’m insecure and need constant coddling 24/7 because I can’t find it in myself to be happy with who I am.”
This highly un-sexy attitude speaks volumes about what kind of partner you’ll be in the long run.
Giving your guy the wrong impression will inevitably make him envision a future of being a round-the-clock emotional babysitter. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?
Seriously though, sometimes it’s a lot more attractive to have no care at all to what other people think. Men enjoy the company of a woman who never sees herself as inferior to other women and regards guys as an EQUAL.
There’s nothing sexier than being able to hold your own, without having to look for anyone (especially HIM) for validation. He wants to keep things light and FUN, so being needy sucks the joy out of being together.
Guys might like it when you occasionally need him to be the bare-chested, manly man who you can hide behind during a scary movie, or hook up your stereo system because the instruction manual’s so “confusing”.
In the big picture though, your man wants a healthy, flourishing relationship that thrives on MUTUAL respect for each other’s independence.
He wants someone who can rely on her own devices to pursue ALL the aspects of her life…AND is cool enough to let him do the things he wants. It’s all about clear communication.
Nothing pleases him more than being able to have individual experiences AND share them with his girl during their “we time” afterward. Growing separately as two mature adults AND as a couple (or couple-to-be if you do things right) will keep him coming back.
We’ll be talking again real soon.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…